Talk:Field Deployable Hydrolysis System
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Tone edit
This page reads entirely like a brochure for the system... I'm in sales, and this even sounds salesy to me. Please revise, it's hard to read this way. Fullgamut (talk) 02:53, 17 January 2014 (UTC) fullgamut — fullgamut (talk • contribs) has made few or no other edits outside this topic.
- Fair point. But, it's just a format, when you list the positive attributes of something in a seemingly bullet form. "Can be field deployed in .. ", "is self-sufficient", ".. it dices, it slices!". Maybe it's because I'm around it so much that I'm hyper-sensitive -- Tom Waits has a great song called "Step Right Up" that parodies the style, highly recommended. Fullgamut (talk) 14:56, 17 January 2014 (UTC)
- Fixed. I suspect you work for, or with ECBC. Their involvement and effort was referenced three times. Salesy. Whatever else it wasn't selling, you version was certainly selling ECBC's awesome development prowess. It's all about tone. I agree it's quite an achievement to develop something like this in 6 months -- that speaks for itself.. no need to sell us on it. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fullgamut (talk • contribs) 15:21, 17 January 2014 (UTC)
- Nope, no connection whatsoever. I've been around a while and edited lots of stuff. If you look, I used one of their publications as a reference and as a US Govt agency, that's all in PD, so some of it is verbatim, hence their tone. Toddst1 (talk) 16:22, 17 January 2014 (UTC)
- Fixed. I suspect you work for, or with ECBC. Their involvement and effort was referenced three times. Salesy. Whatever else it wasn't selling, you version was certainly selling ECBC's awesome development prowess. It's all about tone. I agree it's quite an achievement to develop something like this in 6 months -- that speaks for itself.. no need to sell us on it. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fullgamut (talk • contribs) 15:21, 17 January 2014 (UTC)
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