Talk:Dylan Penn/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cloudz679 (talk · contribs) 20:09, 27 April 2015 (UTC)

Lead

• The lead does not appear to "stand alone as a concise overview" per WP:LEAD. There is virtually no information there beyond name, age, nationality and parents.

Early life

• The prose has insufficient context and grammatical errors.
  • Wright not introduced
  • had won used inappropriately
  • State name not used for Marin County
  • New York City piped to New York, which is visually more ambiguous
• The prose is very stop-start, e.g. She has a younger brother named Hopper Jack.[6] She attended Marin Academy.[7] Her parents' divorce was finalized in 2010.[8] - reading more like a list than an encyclopaedic article.

Public life

• The public life section doesn't appear to run chronologically, which has the effect of somewhat misleading the reader.
• $6,000-plus Fendi bag appears to be original research
• Unnecessary use of idiom, e.g. testing the waters
• some apparently made-up words, e.g. pantsless
• a video (referred to as a short film by some) - only referred to as a short film, by the provided references
• the period dealt with spans approximately mid-2013 to September 2014. This is an indication it may not meet criterion 3a.

References

• dead link reported
• Daily Mail may not be a reliable source
• date formatting of references is inconsistent, with three different systems in use

Summary

• There are major obstacles to this article meeting the criteria at this time, so the appropriate action is that the article is not listed. C679 21:06, 27 April 2015 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.