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need to add a table with the rest of Snyder's pieces plus info about vdb's acquisition of his works//maybe add something about the book Definitely human (talk) 06:41, 3 March 2018 (UTC)
Review edit
Add links to sources and citations (Leonardo, etc). Add internal links (Jane Veeder, etc). Suggest changing the section "Individual Career" to "Individual works." Add section on his book. Include documentation of recent shows and works (e.g. at Experimental Sound Studio).AmyDeer (talk) 11:55, 5 March 2018 (UTC)
Evan's Review edit
lead: short but sweet, which is good but maybe include a little bit of background information before just "founded sound department". third sentence "exploring" probably isn't neutral enough for wikipedia, sounds more of like art speak than "fact"-- maybe something even along the lines of "experiment with" which could technically be proven? good use of varying sources-- not relying on just one for whole first section
early life: "became interested in electronic..." also sounds probably not neutral enough for wiki, could be wrong but it seems harder to prove rather than like "conducted experiments with" what's an oscilloscope? (i'm personally curious) is it necessary to include that info in your article for the reader? is there a link to a page that could be included?
Electronic Visualization: maybe include a bit more background on the "Sound Area", and what year/why it became the Sound Department? was Peano Boogie solely a body performance or was it also a media installation? would be good to include to reference why it's relevant to include in this article
Individ. Career: What is the article you're quoting from? probably should be at least mentioned in the text rather than just cited. Need more background information on "Lines of Force"
Overall really good first draft!