Talk:Believe in the Stars

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Believe in the Stars/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: BelovedFreak 15:21, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

   I made a few minor edits, just a little clarification needed in some parts.

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

   No problems, I added a few extra citations at the end of direct quotes per WP:CITE

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

   no problems

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

   no problems

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

   looks stable

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

   images appropriately tagged and captioned

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

No links to disambiguation pages or dead external links. I've done a slight copy edit to the article. I've corrected "regarding to make-up artists" to "regarding two make-up artists", assuming that's what you meant, if not please amend it as appropriate.

Lead

• The lead doesn't quite summarise the whole article. It could do with something about the Star Wars references, as that's quite a large paragraph, and slightly more about the critical reception? Just a sentence or two to summarise critics' comments.
  • The Star Wars reference the lead can do without, but added a review to the lead. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 20:02, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
    • Ok, fair enough, I'll go with you on that one!--BelovedFreak 21:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Prose / MoS

Plot

• Is there any particular reason Jack gives Liz a sedative for her trip? Is she afraid of flying?
  • No, he asks her what she takes while flying somewhere.
    • Ok, that just sounded a little weird to me but maybe that's just a cultural thing. I don't really hear abut people routinely taking sedatives to fly, but then people don't really fly that much over here compared to the US! If you think it's self-explanatory, that's fine.--BelovedFreak 21:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
• "To keep him quiet, Jack tells him that he can be the voice of Knight Rider..." - this is a little unclear. What exactly does he mean by the voice of Knight Rider? Presumably he's referring to an adaption of Knight Rider (1982 TV series)? If so, could do with a wikilink. From my hazy memory & reading the article, there isn't a character called Knight Rider is there? Would he be playing Michael Knight, or KITT the car? Or is something else meant by "he can be the voice of Knight Rider"?
  • I knew this would be a problem. I don't want to speculate, but maybe it is being the voice of the car, IDK. Jack only said "You can be the voice of Knight Ridder in a film adaptation."
    • Ok, I agree, best not to speculate. Maybe you could solve it my using a quote, maybe just like Jack tells him that he can "be the voice of Knight Rider" in a film adaptation - look slightly awkward, but otherwise I think it will make the reader pause, especially if they're Knight Rider fans!--BelovedFreak 21:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
      • Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:28, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
• The story about Kenneth, Tyler and Jack is a little unclear. I understood what was going on from the lead, but in the plot section, it's not as clear. I think you need to be more explicit about the fact that the olympics were staged and that Kenneth is shocked/upset or whatever about the revelation, so there's a clear reason why he feels that he's lost two heroes.
  • Oops, forgot to mention that, but added that the tetherball competition was staged.
• With the Jenna & Tracy storyline, I also found this a little unclear. It was not obvious at first that Tracy was a man (probably because not many men in the UK are called Tracy!), not helped by the fact that the actor is also called Tracy. I also didn't know that he is black or she is white. I came to realise this reading further. I've edited these sentences to try to make it clearer, but I apologise if I've inadvertently changed the meaning, so please check that!
  • It reads fine, don't worry about it, and thank you for fixing it.
• "Jack goes so far as to give him cable in his apartment due to his good morale" - do you mean morale? Or good morals? Was this in this episode? Or an earlier episode? If the latter, it may not be necessary to include it as it seems a bit tangential.
  • Well, Kenneth has good morals or morales throughout the series. In this episode, he tried to "sacrificed" his life, so because of this Jack gave him cable, as he admitted he didn't steal like others in his apartment building.
    • So he has good morals, not morale, as in cheerful / "rallying the troops" kind of attitude? I think you need to lose the "e" on the end.--BelovedFreak 21:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)
      • Removed. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:28, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Other

• Consider adding an WP:ALT description to the infobox image. Although not a requirement for GA or FA, it would improve accessibility. The usefulness of alt tags can be a bit controversial, but of the two images used in the article, I think that the infobox one would benefit from a description.
  • Added alt, but I'll just say that it's lame, since I'm no good with it.
    • Ok, that's fine. I tweaked it a bit, but they're very hard to write. Also, WP:ALT seems to have changed a little in its advice since I last looked. Hopefully it'll help someone, and if you ever take this to FA, hopefully someone more in the know will help you out!--BelovedFreak 21:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Another easy read & review, just a few changes needed to make a few plot details clearer.--BelovedFreak 16:10, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, I appreciate it. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 20:27, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Good work, nearly done. Just the Knight Rider and "morale" issues outstanding.--BelovedFreak 21:08, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

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External links modified

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I have just modified 2 external links on Believe in the Stars. Please take a moment to review my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:

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