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The source is Autosport, an article that is a magazine. The spread is a newletter (I believe its internet only) that is not on Wikipedia. --Nascar1996 03:13, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
Done I fixed the first one that you mentioned while the second I will replace with something else. --Nascar1996 03:18, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
The link to references for the Results table is always placed on an item on the first row if they cover the entire table, usually by the first item like the winner's name.
"The pole-sitter will be Kevin Harvick[9], and Casey Mears, Terry Cook, and Johnny Sauter would not qualify." mixes tense of verbs - should all be written in the past tense since it already happened. -> The pole-sitter was Kevin Harvick; Casey Mears, Terry Cook, and Johnny Sauter missed the race after never having a chance to qualify.
Do you want me to keep the reference where it is located or somewhere else? --Nascar1996 03:33, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
"During Happy Hour (the final practice), the fastest were Jamie McMurray, Jeff Burton, Clint Bowyer, Jeff Gordon, and Denny Hamlin" is written in a passive tense. It would be better to say "The faster cars in Happy Hour (the final practice) were ..."
Awkward start to that section - 2 thoughts in the first sentence. I suggest - The race was scheduled to start on Sunday March 28, 2010 but rain delayed the event until noon Eastern Daylight Savings Time on Monday March 29. The pre-race ceremonies began...
"Robby Gordon also had to go to the back because of an engine change." is awkward. I suggestion "Robby Gordon was sent to the back of the starting grid because he changed engines".
"It was also announced that NASCAR would have a competition caution at lap 50." is awkward/passive. I suggest "NASCAR announced before the race that there would be a competition caution on lap 50".
We need to have a definition what a competition caution is, so I added it to the List_of_motorsport_terminology which you can link to by piping like this: [[List_of_motorsport_terminology#C|competition caution]].
"Where the caution happened with few laps to go until the competition caution it counted for it." is awkward. How about "Since this caution came out near NASCAR's schedule competition caution on Lap 50, NASCAR canceled the competition caution" - it's better but could be done a little better.
"On lap 46 Kevin Harvick led to the green flag with Kurt Busch second." is missing a comma between 46 and Kevin. That comma is your Achilles' heel. Grammar says you need a comma after you start with a short phrase then change to the main subject. The same thing with the section sentence - "After a ten lap run,"... they're everywhere in these paragraphs. I'll let you finish them first. I might not get back to the review for another day or two. Royalbroil 03:10, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
Done Thanks for helping me understand commas better; you explanation was very understanding. --Nascar1996 14:58, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
I'm glad - it was your biggest problem. Royalbroil 21:58, 10 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
The sentence in these last 2 points is pretty long and confusing with so much punctuation. Consider breaking into 2 sentences or somehow redo (optional)
"Kurt Busch passed Jeff..." - you're using Gordon's first name - standard English convention says you should use his last name (or full name if confusing) - same thing thoughout the sentence
"During pit stops Mark Martin" needs a comma after stops
"After five laps under green the ninth caution came out because Marcos Ambrose had a tire going down." - comma after green - same problem - do you see the pattern? It's when you could move the phrase elsewhere in the sentence - you could easily write "The ninth caution came out after five laps under green because...." It's a weaker sentence structure to start with a modifying phrase then hit the main wording - good to mix it up more both ways.
"Jeff Burton stayed the leader until lap 358 after a multiple-lap battle that ended with Denny Hamlin the leader." How about "Jeff Burton battled Denny Hamlin for several laps until Hamlin passed for the lead on lap 358."
"After the lead lap cars pit the outcome would make Denny Hamlin the leader." - several problems - I would rewrite from scratch - as is the problems are: tense for pit (pitted), comma missing after pit, awkward sounding "the outcome would make Hamlin the leader"
Done Denny Hamlin kept the lead after pit stops for the leaders were finished. --Nascar1996 19:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
"Denny Hamlin led eighteen laps until he was passed by Jeff Burton on lap 390" - okay, but how about the simpler "Hamlin led 18 laps until Burton passed him back on lap 390" - simpler yet ties together several sentences better
"On lap 405, Denny Hamlin passed Jeff Burton lead once again." - maybe move back 1 paragraph to tie together thoughts? I see that you've grouped 100 laps into paragraphs and it isn't very importance - but you could try another shorter sentence again - between Burton & lead is missing some words
"Jamie McMurray received a black flag due to the rear panel of his car coming loose" - My personal preference is to not use "due" because I think it sounds awkward and non-professional
Done This sentence was the hardest one to rewrite. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
"Under the caution Kyle Busch (running second) and Denny Hamlin (running first) went to pit road which gave the lead to Jeff Gordon. " parenthesis are awkward - how about "Under the caution, second place Kyle Busch and leader Hamlin went to pit road which gave Jeff Gordon the lead."
"The green flag was given on lap 496 which caused a green-white-checker" - why? The race was schedule to run 500 laps, right?
First, the lap shoud be 498. A green-white-checker does not mean "overdrive", but does mean that they would only have two laps of green flag laps before the end of the race. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
"came out because Kyle Busch got sideways as a result of three-wide racing." I don't understand this one - any more details? Who were the 3 cars? "As a result of" is weak structure. It's very much a NASCAR terminology. How about something to the effect of "Busch was battling two other cars (have any names?); his car went sideways after contact..."
Done I found the names in the reference. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
"After the caution the race went into overdrive" - comma after caution - only a NASCAR fan will understand what "overdrive" is - maybe add to list of motorsport terminology and link to it?? This is a new term that I've hardly ever heard (but I only watch a few NASCAR races anymore)
Done No I just reworded it. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
"On the last lap Denny Hamlin pushed Ryan Newman out of the way while he was passing Jeff Gordon." - better source this one from a very reliable source because "pushing someone out of the way" is a very controversial statement about a living person and causes problems with WP:BLP - this is a big problem which needs to be fixed before it gets its GA review
"Then Matt Kenseth, who was the leader, drove his car into the corner too hard giving up the lead to Denny Hamlin." - need source for "drove into the corner too hard" - BLP and controversial again
THROUGHOUT - I would abbreviate to just their last names in most cases - too much Denny Hamlin instead of the standard Hamlin. It's very hard to read through all of the full names - full names only the first instance and when two names fit the bill (like Kyle & Kurt Busch if they're battling)
You did a much better job of varying the prose in the race summary section.
Thank You; I tried very hard to.--Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
Table - I think you're supposed to do a wikilink on each line for the team - just like you do for the driver
Do you mean the sponsors or the teams alone. If the teams, I only wikilinked the first one. --Nascar1996 20:20, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
References section look tidy/neat and very reliable
Thank you again. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
Images look great - topical - a nice image of Hamlin's car would be excellent to add, but only if the same paint scheme
I cant because its only on other web-sites and the car would not be the same this was the first ever race with the new car and the spoiler. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
Great job! You're right there. That's all that I can find. Royalbroil 03:13, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
Okay thank you for all your help. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
In the opening paragraph's lead sentence, change "...,2010 but rain delayed the event until noon EST..." to "...2010, but was rain delayed until noon EDT...". In the second sentence, pipe in Henry County, Virginia. When did Robby Gordon change engines in the third sentence? For the second to last sentence, add a comma after 75.
For the second sentence of the second paragraph, change "...125 Juan Pablo Montoya slammed..." to "...125, Juan Pablo Montoya collided...". Change pit to had pitted in the fourth sentence.
In the lead sentence of the third paragraph, change "...eight caution came out as a result of..." to "...eighth caution came out because...". For the third sentence, change going down to deflating on his car after tire.
For the final paragraph, change going down to deflated after "Jeff Burton's car" in the fourth sentence.
Results section
List the caution laps, leader laps both in order and number of laps, who lead the race, and who led the most laps?
Factually accurate and verifiable.
Italicize the papers or magazines references in sources 1,2,3, and 4.
Done NERDYSCIENCEDUDE (✉ message • changes) 22:04, 10 April 2010 (UTC)