Talk:2010 Emory Healthcare 500

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:2010 Emory Healthcare 500/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Secret (talk · contribs) 03:15, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this article. Secret ^account 03:15, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

Ok reviewing, I noticed prose issues throughout, did a few copyedits. I haven't fully finished the review, some comments for now.

• "The track, Atlanta Motor Speedway, is one of ten intermediate to hold NASCAR races" Change the first mention of track to venue, then add track after intermediate.

• Finished. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Kasey Kahne is the race's defending champion." Is should be a was

• Finished. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "only forty-three will be able.... will be able to what (for non-NASCAR readers)?

• Added "to start on the grid." -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "The race, the twenty-fifth out of a total of thirty-six in the season", (A total is redundant)

• Removed. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Newman was challenging Hamlin, on the first lap." Source and relevance?

• "Lap 1 -- Denny Hamlin holds the lead on the first lap with Ryan Newman challenging. Source. I assume it wasn't really relevant, so does it need to be removed? -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Seven laps later, Paul Menard passed Gordon to move into thirteenth" relevance?

• Just information throughout the race. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• • But what is the relevance of a simple pass during a race unless there are later consequences, remove that sentence as it bares nothing on the results. Secret ^account 18:02, 4 January 2013 (UTC)
    • It wasn't a significant pass so I will. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:31, 5 January 2013 (UTC)
• Link somewhere drive through penalty.

• Linked to Drive-through (motorsport)#D. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "After struggling with car handling during the first half of the race, Kurt Busch had moved from thirty-second to sixteenth by lap 171." - relevance?

• I felt Kurt Busch was notable enough to add it. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Seven laps later, Jamie McMurray had a flattened tire, and drove to pit road." - Incorrect grammar with flattened

• Changed to flat. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "After McMurray's unscheduled pit stop he fell to the twenty-sixth position" - Sentence can be merged with above

• New sentence: Seven laps later, Jamie McMurray had a flat tire, and drove to pit road, which caused him to fall to the twenty-sixth position. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• What's the NASCAR MOS here, wording like "as Stewart puts his teammate, Ryan Newman, a lap behind" is confusing to NASCAR readers, I rather replace behind with down.

• Understandable. :) -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• Eight laps later, the fourth caution came out because David Ragan spun sideways on the back stretch. Because < As

• Finished. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• "All the drivers on the same lap as the leaders pitted under the caution." (Better as) Every driver in the lead lap pitted under caution.

• Finished. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• Why did Hamlin finished last when all the start and park drivers were already pulling to pit road by the early laps. That's really rare and unique nowadays.

• I assume there were no start and park drivers since the Results table has every driver completing at least 143 laps. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

• Can you remove citation four, yes its archived but not working properly and it is covered by the other sources.

• Yes, I can. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 22:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)

Sorry for the delay, the start of class got me backtracked, let me finish. Here's more comments

• "On lap 128, early race leader, Hamlin had an engine that failed; he finished forty-third." Better as On lap 128, Hamlin had an engine failure, finishing fourty-third. Removes some redundant wording and grammar issues.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• "Later in the race Tony Stewart reclaimed the lead, and led a race high of seventy-five laps." Messy sentence for the lead, grammar and poor word choice "reclaimed the lead" of is redudant.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• "During qualifying, forty-seven cars were entered, but only forty-three will be able to start " Grammar
  • Changed will to were. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• "He was joined on the front row of the grid" Better to wikilink front row with the grid wikilink, and remove "of the grid" completely as redundant.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• Five laps after the pit stops began, Hamlin and Kyle Busch.... As the pit stops were mentioned on the last sentence, just put "five laps later" instead.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• "excessive speed on pit road, he had to serve a drive-through penalty on pit road" remove the last mention of "on pit road" redundant, wikilink is enough.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• "On the restart, driver were racing furiously, by going three wide (three cars side-by-side) around the track." - Grammar
  •  Done Driver to drivers -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• "After Harvick drove through pit road the first time, it caused a scoring error, so he was held a lap to fix it." What is a "scoring error"?
  • Somehow Harvick was scored a lap ahead of everyone else. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
• I don't think the Edwards quote isn't really relevant to the content.
  •  Removed -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 03:33, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

Ok last round of comments

• who started in the second position on the grid... see my comment above, this time fix it from the lead.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)}
• but only forty-three were able to start on the grid.... on the grid is redundant in the sentence, remove
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• Is finishing fourth quickest and fifth quickest in practice relevant? If not trim.
  • Usually the first five are notable since NASCAR doesn't have a podium. -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• Joe Gibbs, began pre-race ceremonies, .... why the commas, there is no necessary pausing. Also add "the" before pre-race.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• Two laps later, Martin Truex, Jr passed Edwards for fifth, as Newman became the leader, passing Hamlin for first. Several issues with this sentence, "for first" is redundant, was Truex passing Edwards was of any relevance? Just say Two laps later, Newman passed Hamlin for the lead and keep it simple.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• On lap 55, Hamlin moved into the first position, after passing Stewart. Grammar issues, better as "On lap 55, Hamlin passed Stewart for the first position".
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• "gave the position" reword as you can't give away positions, unless something strange is going on between the drivers.
  • "On lap 88, Stewart, who was the leader, was passed by Hamlin." -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• The lead only lasted three laps before Stewart reclaimed the lead. Really? Reword
  • "Three laps later, Stewart reclaimed the lead." -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• "and prompted the second caution" and should be which
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• Stewart became the new leader... should be "regained the lead".. ditto with some other similar phrasing in that section.
  •  Done -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• "moved quickly into the lead" should be Johnson passed Stewart for the lead. "Moved quickly" is unencyclopedic slang.
  • Removed "quickly". -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• Kyle Busch, who was a lap down after a pit road speeding penalty had recovered to sixth. Was it a new speeding penalty? Reword
  • "Kyle Busch, who was a lap down after his drive-through penalty, had recovered to sixth." -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• Gordon was falling toward... was falling should be falled
  • Falled or fell? (I changed it to fell) -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• On lap 222, Montoya moved into the third position, as Johnson showed his displeasure with him... why the displeasure?
  • ..."showed his displeasure with him from the previous race"... [1] -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)
• "One lap later, Biffle returned to the race, seventy-one laps down in the thirty-ninth position. Four laps later, Biffle lost power to his race car." Both sentences should be combined.
  • "One lap later, Biffle returned to the race, seventy-one laps down in the thirty-ninth position, but would lose power to his race car after four laps." -- Nascar1996^{(Talk • Contribs)} 12:22, 31 January 2013 (UTC)

Secret ^account 04:39, 31 January 2013 (UTC)

There still some minor gramatical issues in the "Race" section but nothing extremely serious or obvious, passing the review. Secret ^account 15:47, 31 January 2013 (UTC)

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