Talk:Lucky Luna/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: PresN (talk · contribs) 02:57, 12 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: The Night Watch (talk · contribs) 14:25, 15 May 2024 (UTC)

I'll look at this one. The first comments should be up by Saturday at the latest. The Night Watch (talk) 14:25, 15 May 2024 (UTC)

Apologies for the long delay, I've had a few things come up in IRL recently that have taken my time away from Wikipedia. I should have the review up soon though. The Night Watch (talk) 02:36, 21 May 2024 (UTC)

@The Night Watch: Hey, reminder of this. --PresN 02:05, 27 May 2024 (UTC)

Apologies, I'm working on the comments now. The Night Watch (talk) 05:27, 27 May 2024 (UTC)

No worries, no rush, just wanted to make sure you hadn't forgotten. --PresN 18:39, 28 May 2024 (UTC)

Here we go:

• FUR are adequate for gameplay. For the infobox, maybe {{Non-free use rationale video game cover}} could help

• Done

• "The game has six handcrafted levels with different themes in the story mode, and infinite procedurally generated versions of those levels in the endless mode" could a different word be used than handcrafted? Maybe handmade?

• Done

• "The game began development in 2014 as Cerulean Moon, a project by Spanish programmer Nacho Barbas, aka Nachobeard" maybe it could be formatted as Nacho "Nachobeard" Barbas like how Minecraft calls its creator Markus "Notch" Persson

• Done

• "Barbas and the studio then worked on the title for another two years, adding the endless mode and finishing the game." Cut "then"

• Done

• "Snowman chose Netflix as the publisher so that the game design would not be impacted by a need to monetize the game with advertisements or in-app purchases" cut "game" from in front of "design"

• Done

• I'm surprised at the inclusion of the word "acclaimed" in the lead as that usually is from a wide consensus among critics. Since the game apparently received little attention from reviewers, I would change acclaimed to "praised"

• Done

• "The game also features an endless mode, in which the player traverses procedurally generated versions of the six levels" remove "also"

• Done

• "The levels each have a theme, such as water, jungles, or lava, and contain obstacles that will kill Luna if touched such as boiling water, spikes, or lava" this sentence feels a little circular and repetitive, maybe change it to "such as water, lave, or jungles" so that both parts of the sentence don't end with lava.

• Done

• "Each level ends with Luna following the fox into a portal back to the temple; the first time the player completes a level causes the portal to the next level to activate" remove "level" after next.

• Done

• The second paragraph of Gameplay repeats the word "level" several times, maybe this could be changed to "stage" to prevent the term from becoming repetitive?

• Done

• "The game began development as Cerulean Moon in late 2014 as a project by Spanish programmer Nacho Barbas, nicknamed Nachobeard" same nickname formatting as suggested above.

• Done

• "During that time, the game's endless mode was added and the game refined" how about "During that time, the game was refined and the endless mode was added."

• Done

• "Andrew Schimmel, the producer for the game, described creating the endless mode while turning the story mode into a finished product like building two complementary games at the same time." How about "The producer, Andrew Schimmel, described finishing the story mode and creating the endless mode as like building two complementary games at the same time."

• Done

@The Night Watch: Above all done. --PresN 18:36, 28 May 2024 (UTC)

Thanks, should have some more comments up shortly and then on to source-checks. The Night Watch (talk) 18:46, 30 May 2024 (UTC)