Wikipedia talk:Today's featured article/May 2, 2019
Proposed revision edit
I don't know if anybody is watching this page, but I didn't want to edit the blurb directly without some guidance. I think the key points from the lede are addressed, but there's a couple things that I think make the text a bit jarring.
It was built between the complexes of Sekhemket and Djoser in North Saqqara. Pyramid texts, representing 283 spells for the king's afterlife, are incised into the walls of the subterranean chambers; they constitute the oldest and best-preserved corpus of religious writing from the Old Kingdom
. Jumping from where it was built to what's inside? It seems disconnected as written. And why does The pyramid's underground chambers remained unexplored until 1881, when Gaston Maspero gained entry
come at the end, instead of lead into the PT discussion?
I think there'd be a better flow if written as: It was built between the complexes of Sekhemket and Djoser in North Saqqara. The pyramid's underground chambers remained unexplored until [the Egyptologist] Gaston Maspero gained entry in 1881. Inside, Pyramid texts containing 283 spells for the king's afterlife were found incised into the walls of the subterranean chambers; they constitute the oldest and best-preserved corpus of religious writing from the Old Kingdom
. What do others think? Note: the bit in brackets might just be force of habit, always introduce the person mentioned, and might be unnecessary. Mr rnddude (talk) 14:51, 23 April 2019 (UTC)
- John did most of the blurb ... he's on the porch, I'll get him. - Dank (push to talk) 15:06, 23 April 2019 (UTC)
- Makes sense to us. I made the change; feel free to edit. - Dank (push to talk) 15:21, 23 April 2019 (UTC)