Wikipedia:Peer review/Ludwigsburg Palace/archive1

Ludwigsburg PalaceEdit

I've listed this article for peer review because I feel I am nearly ready for an attempt at WP:FA.

Thanks, Vami_IV✠ 03:31, 11 March 2018 (UTC)

Quick Comments from Eddie891

  • "and brought as many as 311,000 by October 2017." is that in 2017 alone?
  • How big is the 'massive' blooming garden.
  • perhaps remove the red links in the lede
  • ping me soon, as I will later have time to comment more– if I don't forget. Eddie891 Talk Work 12:31, 11 March 2018 (UTC)
    • and brought as many as 311,000 by October 2017 This is indeed in 2017 alone. Those are the only numbers I found. –Vami_IV✠ 04:48, 12 March 2018 (UTC)
    • 30 hectares. I have found and added a citation for the size (and from the horse's mouth, too!) –Vami_IV✠ 08:55, 12 March 2018 (UTC)
    • Redlinks removed from lead. –Vami_IV✠ 08:59, 12 March 2018 (UTC)
  • "which the Duchy of Württemberg and, for Eberhard Louis, culminated in the decisive Battle of Blenheim, where the Duke commanded a cavalry regiment." This sentence seems to be oddly worded. Perhaps rephrase?
    • I believed I have fixed this with the removal of two commas. I've been experimenting with the damn things for years and I'm still leaning how to use them. –Vami_IV✠ 15:01, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
  • "Eberhard Louis, dreaming of an absolutist Württemberg, was inspired by the palaces of Munich, where he spent the remainder 1705 into 1706." see above with this sentence, especially the last segment "where...1706" perhaps change to "where he spent the remainder of 1705, until leaving in mid-1706." or something similar
    • I should probably state now that I think I have mild dyslexia, so I'm pretty prone to forgetting words or writing a word twice in a sentence (the the, for example). –Vami_IV✠ 14:23, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
    • See above - I added the "of" you recommended and deleted a comma to help with the flow. –Vami_IV✠ 15:03, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
  • more to come. Eddie891 Talk Work 14:12, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
  • Embarrassed "appointed Jenisch upon his return the next year." It is unclear as to what he is being promoted to.
    • Fixed! Thanks for responding. –Vami_IV✠ 13:25, 30 March 2018 (UTC)
  • "the writing on the walls for Jenisch's tenure at Ludwigsburg, " perhaps replace with something a bit less flowery
    • Changed to "...heralded the end of Jenisch's tenure at Ludwigsburg" –Vami_IV✠ 13:25, 30 March 2018 (UTC)
  • this really is a very good article. That's pretty much it. Got up to 'interiors. PLEASE PING ME TOMORROW Eddie891 Talk Work 13:05, 30 March 2018 (UTC)
    • @Eddie891: sure thing –Vami_IV✠ 15:02, 31 March 2018 (UTC)
      • Everything past Architecture is subject to rewrite. Had hoped I wouldn't have to rewrite all that stuff. –Vami_IV✠ 15:18, 31 March 2018 (UTC)
  • From there, however, there is an obvious departure from Versailles" Be careful the article doesn't delve into a prosey, tour guideish tone.
  • "Stylistically, the interiors are very Italian, decorated with stones and stucco. This is very noticeable, for instance, in the Mirror Gallery" you use very twice in close proximity. Be careful 'bout that. Eddie891 Talk Work 11:28, 1 April 2018 (UTC)
  • "additional windows to cover the windows" again, if you could think of something different than window twice, that could be better.
  • " Fortunately, examples of original flooring still exist in the Hunting pavilion." I don't see any indication of why this is fortunate.
  • "In 1719, Donato Frisoni augmented the roof of the Old Hauptbau with a mansard roof to prevent further damage to the roof caused by standing water. In 1809, King Frederick I placed a preserved piece of clockwork taken from Zwiefalten Abbey in the attic of Frisoni's roof." I see two examples of sentences starting with in right after each other.
  • "At the center of the Jagdpavillon is the Marmorsaletta, the marble hall decorated in stucco and painted by Giacomo Antonio Corbellini, that feature depictions of the Ducal hunting grounds and horns, the monogram of Duke Eberhard Louis, and the stucco and fresco work of Swiss artist Luca Antonio Colomba on the ceiling." consider replacing 'that feature' with 'featuring'. "At the center of the Jagdpavillon is the Marmorsaletta, the marble hall decorated in stucco and painted by Giacomo Antonio Corbellini, featuring depictions of the Ducal hunting grounds and horns, the monogram of Duke Eberhard Louis, and the stucco and fresco work of Swiss artist Luca Antonio Colomba on the ceiling.
  • "King Frederick I established the Schlosskapelle for Protestantism, but today is Catholic." confused on this. was he establishing another church, or making the existing one Protestant?
  • "However, the pulpit and organ were moved into the Ordensbau by King Frederick I. " just seems out of place, perhaps add some context (not sure why a however is merited).
  • "where a state of Bacchus awaits and may sometimes spray visitors with water." perhaps you meant statue. Is there a frequency that the statue sprays? Does it still spray, or is that referring to the palace's heyday?
  • "Duke Charles Eugene, through court architect Philippe de La Guêpière, later added the theater's stage technology and auditorium interior." Time frame when this happened?
  • "Hidden inside the building are the various secret halls, quarters, and even the two courtyards at either end of the building designed by Donato Frisoni used by the servant staff and for drainage that remain preserved today." Drainage?
  • "Her favorite room, her study, is fairly unusual for Neoclassical architecture" how do we know it was her favorite room. Doesn't needed to be added, but it doesn't seem normal that a queen would go around saying "This is my favorite room" to people.
  • "Above the Marble Hall is the feat of engineering that is its roof, whose design was made difficult by the shape of the Marble Hall below and the great weight of the roof." perhaps just say "Above the Marble Hall is its roof, whose design was made difficult by the shape of the Marble Hall below and the great weight of the roof." for simplicity. What you say next goes to show it is a feat of engineering.
    • I will address all of these in my rewrite of those sections, underway as I type this reply. –Vami_IV✠ 09:43, 2 April 2018 (UTC)