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Wikipedia:Peer review/List of awards and nominations received by Priyanka Chopra/archive1

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List of awards and nominations received by Priyanka Chopra edit

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I've listed this article for peer review because it has potential to be a Featured List Candidate. I has worked on it and provided reliable sources and I think Peer Review will help to improve it further.

Thanks, Pks1142 (talk) 08:35, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Alphabetically Done

Refrences Checked Less Notable awards are in Other Awards section.Pks1142 (talk) 15:03, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Pks! I see that you are very enthusiastic about this list. But please don't raise your hopes. Its very difficult to get this to FL-class. The reasons for it are just as same as the ones given in Dixit's review. When i gave that link, i was kind of hoping that you would mainly go through those points. In case you have more doubts on it, then feel free to ask here. IndianBio also knows the case with such list of awards. He could also help you understand it. §§Dharmadhyaksha§§ {T/C} 16:59, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
What that mean??? I should not rise my hopes.???? What??

Ok, but I would try till I get mental. Because, I think Rome was not built in a day!!! Thanks.Pks1142 (talk) 11:00, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Overall, it looks good with tightly-written prose. There are some grammatical and spelling errors though. I apologise if I'm suggesting changes that conflict with the norms of Indian English. OK here we go:

  • Prose
    • 1st para header
  • After attending schools in U.S., Chopra returned to India, she participated in the Femina Miss India 2000 contest, in which she came second, winning the Femina Miss India World title. Did she really win the title by coming second? Please clarify.
  • We know she attended schools (should that be 'colleges' or 'universities'?) in the US, the previous sentence just told us. When did this happen?
  • She was subsequently sent to the Miss World pageant, where she was crowned Miss World 2000, along with Miss World Continental − Asia & Oceania. Was she really sent to the pageant? Did she not enter of her free will? Are the two titles she won part of the same contest prize, or two separate contests?
  • Chopra won her first Filmfare Award in Best Female Debut category for Andaaz along with several nominations. Did she win the other nominations? Try something like She was nominated for several awards for her part in Andaaz, and she won the award for Best Female Debut.
  • She also became second and last woman to win Filmfare Best Villain Award. Missing article the x2.
  • Chopra was followed by a series of successful films like Mujhse Shaadi Karogi (2004), Krrish (2006) and Don (2006) which won her several awards and nominations. This is nonsensical - a person can't be followed by a series of films - clarify.
    • 2nd para
  • "In 2008, she featured in Fashion which fetched her every "Best Actress" award in the country including the prestigious National Award and Filmfare Award." featured in --> starred in if she was an actor in the film, or was the subject of the biopic film, if the film was about her. fetched her --> for which she won.
  • "The same year she was fecilitated by the "Nielsen Box Office Award" at Asian Film Festival, Hong Kong by The Hollywood Reporter trade journal and the "Jin Jue Award" at Shanghai International Film Festival for her "Contribution to Cinema" " Is fecilitated a typo? If not, simplify - what does it mean? at Asian Film Festival, Hong Kong --> at the Asian Film Festival in Hong Kong. by The Hollywood Reporter trade journal and the "Jin Jue Award" at Shanghai International Film Festival for her "Contribution to Cinema" . by The Hollywood Reporter trade journal --> by the trade journal, The Hollywood Reporter. Why the quotemarks around Contribution to Cinema? Don't capitalise unless Contribution to Cinema is a proper noun.
  • "From 2010-2012, Chopra received a number of nominations and won a few including a consecutive Apsara Award for Best Actress for Kaminey (2009) and another Filmfare Award in Best Actress (Critics' Choice) category for 7 Khoon Maaf (2012)." a number - how many? a few --> several. Filmfare Award in Best Actress (Critics' Choice) category --> missing article the x1.
  • "Later, she received the "Trailblazer Award" from the South Asians in Media, Marketing and Entertainment Association for her blazing trails in the U.S. for Indian entertainers." Later - how much later? Be specific. for her blazing trails - clarify.
  • "In 2012, Chopra released her debut single In My City by Interscope records which won her a People's Choice Award for "Best International Debut" and three nominations at the World Music Awards." In 2012 - add the month if possible. by --> on or In 2012, Chopra's first single ... was released by Interscope Records.
    • 3rd para
  • "Apart from acting awards, Chopra has been the recipient of several achievement honours by various films and fashion organisation groups." has been the recipient of --> has received. by --> from or use active voice --> Various films and fashion organisation groups awarded Chopra several achievement honours. various films and fashion organisation groups --> film and fashion organisations or similar.
  • "groups.In 2008, - missing space.
  • "In 2008, she was chosen as Godess of Atlantis for the inauguration function of Atlantis, The Palm" Godess --> Goddess Atlantis, The Palm - what is that? "inauguration function --> launch?
  • "Eastern Eye ranked her Top on their list of "World's Sexiest Asian Women" not once but twice." --> Eastern Eye twice ranked her top of their list of "World's Sexiest Asian Women".
  • "In 2010, she became the first Indian actress to cast her foot impressions at the Salvatore Ferragamo Museum, Florence." Why is this significant? Is it an award or nomination?
  • "In 2011, People and Maxim declared her "Best Dressed Woman" and "Hottest Girl" in India." --> In 2011, People and Maxim magazines declared her the best dressed woman and the "hottest girl" in India. (note quotemarks around hottest girl as this is a slightly ambiguous term, whereas the meaning of best dressed woman is obvious).
That's the header done, I'll do the list tomorrow.Baffle gab1978 (talk) 23:01, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for pointing the mistakes out. Will work on it.Pks1142 (talk) 04:30, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Clarification: I had adopted all your suggestions. I want to clarify some points which are as follows:
  1. Yes, She is the second woman to win that award.
  2. She received the traiblazer award for her blazing trails in the U.S. for Indian entertainers as the first Bollywood actor to win a major record deal in the U.S.
  3. she became the first Indian actress to cast her foot impressions at the Salvatore Ferragamo Museum, Florence: Its a kind of Honour.
  4. Godess of Atlantis : It was the inaugaration function of the palm The resort in Dubai which was attended by several Hollywood Stars along with Whos who in the World. I think it show her selection was a kind of achievement. Other celebrities may have been selected but She was chosen. Its a kind of achievement.
Rest other things corrected and adopted in the list. Thanks.Pks1142 (talk) 05
33, 23 December 2012 (UTC)
    • List
  • Bengal Film Journalists Association Awards - "oldest Association of Film critics in India" - don't capitalise common nouns.
  • Bollywood Hungama Surfers' Choice Awards - "Chopra has won two awards both in Best Actress Category..." a comma after 'awards' would break up the sentence. This section lacks a reference.
  • BIG Star Entertainment Awards - "Chopra has won two award from five nominations" - pluralise 'award'
  • Filmfare Awards - "The awards were first introduced in 1954, the same year as the National Film Awards." Do you need the second clause? Is there a connection between the National Film Awards and the BIG Star Entertainment Awards, or is it a coincidence that they both began in 1954?
  • Global Indian Film Awards "Chopra has received two awards from two nominations" - probably remove the 'has' since these are no longer awarded and she won't receive any more.
  • Indian Telly Awards - "The Indian Telly Awards are presented to Television fraternity." Do you mean presented to professionals/actors/others in the television industry, or is 'Television fraternity' a group of some kind? "Chopra has received one award from one Nomination." - don't capitalise common nouns.
  • International Indian Film Academy Awards - "Chopra has won three award from three nominations including two Special honor awards." Pluralise award, and why is Special capitalised? If it's the title of an award, "Special Hono(u)r Award" (remove/include the "u" as necessary); if not, "special honour award".
  • People's Choice Awards India - "Indian Film, TV, Music and Sports" Don't capitalise common nouns; TV --> television unless there's a special reason for not doing so.
  • Sabsey Favourite Kaun Awards - "The Sabse Favourite Kaun Awards was annually presented by Star Gold." - was --> were. "Chopra has received..." again you could remove "has", since she won't receive any more.
  • Global Indian Film and TV Honours - "...is an award ceremony..." pluralise "award" unless there is only one award.
  • Zee Cine Awards - "The awards were not awarded in 2009-10, but was resumed from 2011" - pluralise was .
  • Recognitions - "...by various organisation." - pluralise 'organisation'
    • General comments
  • I notice the article uses (mostly) "recognize" but "organisation"; you should standardise on one form or the other for consistency. Use whichever Indian English prefers.
  • Possibly add a 'main article' hatnote

Good luck with your FA nom. Cheers, Baffle gab1978 (talk) 18:36, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  Done. Thanks. I hope so, it should should pass FL nomination.Pks1142 (talk) 20:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No worries, Cheers, Baffle gab1978 (talk) 21:43, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Wikipedian Penguin edit

This is a well put-together list. A few suggestions:

  • Language: "Chopra moved to Newton, Massachusetts and later Cedar Rapids, Iowa for higher studies." – I recommend a "to" after "later" to make the sentence more readable.
  • Redundancy, over-linking and abbreviation: "After spending some years in U.S." – expand the abbreviation, since this is the first mention of the country. Also, don't link to countries unless it really matters to the context (eg. a geography article or something). And finally, remove "some" as it is vague and meaningless.
  • Redundancy: "In 2004, Chopra won a number of awards for her performance in Aitraaz including a Screen Award" – remove "a number of". Of course, there's a number of everything, be it zero or something else!
  • Grammar/redundancy: "Chopra appeared in series of commercially successful films" – there's a missing "a" before "series". But "a series of" is vague too. Better removed.
  • Clarity: "In 2008, she starred in Fashion for which she won every 'Best Actress' award in the country including the prestigious..." – what is "the country"? For readers' sake, say "India".
  • Diction: "The same year she was fecilitated by the 'Nielsen Box Office Award' at the Asian Film Festival in Hong Kong by the trade journal..." – "fecilitated" is too uncommon of a word to use. Use something simple.
  • Capitalization: Why is "Contribution to Cinema" capitalized?
  • Grammar: "In 2012, Chopra's first single In My City was released by Interscope records which won her a People's Choice Award" – song titles are surrounded by quotation marks, no italics. Because "records" is part of the name, it should be capitalized. And finally, there is an incorrect use of relative pronouns here: "which" should be "and" instead.
  • Punctuation: Missing full stop at the end of this sentence: "In 2008, she was chosen as Goddess of Atlantis for the inauguration function of Atlantis, The Palm"
  • Needs citation: "In 2011, People and Maxim magazines declared her the best dressed woman and the 'hottest girl' in India."
  • Grammar: "Chopra has won two awards, both in Best Actress Category in two consecutive year." – grammar issue here ("years", not "year").
  • Italicization: Check italicization. For example, Cosmopolitan is a magazine and should be italicized. The same goes for all other magazines.
  • Redundancy: "The Screen Awards is the only awards ceremony in India to be involved with the Executive Director and the Governor of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences." – cut "to be".
  • Cohesion: Repetitive "awards...awarded": "The awards were not awarded in 2009-10"
  • Citations: You need to check for consistency in citations. For example, ref 4 has a publisher but the others don't. Also, check for italicization consistency of Hindustian Times.

Well, good luck! Feel free to ask questions. Regards. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 13:19, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  Done, Thanks Wikipedian Penguin. Thanks for the help.Pks1142 (talk) 03:24, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No problem. There are still a few unitalicized magazine titles in the lead. But good work. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 16:01, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  Done, Thanks a lot.Pks1142 (talk) 16:31, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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