Wikipedia:Peer review/Crystal Palace F.C./archive1

Crystal Palace F.C. edit

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I've listed this article for peer review because I want to get it to FA level and I want to see if I can get it listed in time for the Premier League season starting in August so it can feature on the front page. Hiding T 21:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Hiding T 21:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Sarastro: I've read about three paragraphs into "history" so far. Here are some comments to be going on with.

Lead:

Second paragraph of lead is a little repetitive, with sentences starting "The club…", "Palace have won…", "They were runners up…", "They were founder members…"
The order of "honours" in the lead seems a little odd. Why lead with "Full Members Cup", and why have league and cup titles together. I'm also not sure how important it is that they were "founder members" of the Premier League. "Founder members" also seems to be a bit too grand, but maybe that's just me.
"…with a record 49 points": I'm assuming this is the highest number of points for a relegated team, but I think this should be made explicit as I suspect many readers will be unaware of what kind of record this was.
"with M23 neighbours": This phrase sounds odd to me, and to anyone from outside of the south of England this will be slightly meaningless. And I suspect overseas readers will be utterly baffled.
And similarly, I've never heard of the "M23 derby", and I consider myself to be a football fan!
The last paragraph of the lead seems slightly random: rivalries and administration?
"The club has twice gone into administration, first in 1998, and again in 2010.": I always leave the reader to do the counting, and save words! "The club went into administration in 1998 and again in 2010."

History:

Could this section be broken up with subheadings? It is a bit of a wall of text at the moment.
"The original Crystal Palace football club was an amateur team founded circa 1861 and who competed in the first FA Cup, reaching the semi-finals where the team was eliminated by the Royal Engineers.": Be careful with this. "…and who competed": the team is not a person so it should be "which". And "where the team was eliminated": the semi-finals were not a place.
Nothing else about their foundation in the 1860s?
I assume that the FA Cup in question was 1861? Perhaps say so explicitly.
"The team disappear from historical records after a 3–0 defeat to Wanderers in the second round of the 1875–76 FA Cup.": Odd phrase "historical records". What does this mean? The only records are the FA Cup results between 1861 and 1876? Maybe better said this way around.
"However, this was not the end of an association between Crystal Palace and the FA Cup.": I think the style here is a bit too discursive for an encyclopaedia article.
"In 1895 the FA adopted a new permanent home for the final, at The Crystal Palace.": Hardly permanent, as this suggests the final continued to play there.Maybe just cut "permanent".
"and it did not take long for the idea of forming their own team to play at the ground to occur.": More odd phrasing. Why not just "…and decided to form a team to play at the ground"?
"The club instead found itself…" Was the club sentient? And lost? Perhaps just "The club joined..."
"The club was successful in its inaugural season and was promoted to the First Division, crowned as champions.": Perhaps "The club was successful in its inaugural season and was promoted to the First Division as champions."
"In their first season…" We've just said inaugural season; does this need re-stating.
"and it was in this competition that the club played their first match, winning 3–0 away to New Brompton": The order seems odd here. Should be not begin with the first match rather than stick it on as an afterthought?
"their one highlight the 1907 shock victory over Newcastle in the FA Cup": Was this really the only notable event in all that time? And how encyclopaedic is "highlight"?
"Three years later the club moved again to The Nest due to the folding of Croydon Common F.C..": The punctuation here leads to what looks like doubled full stops. Maybe rephrase to avoid ending the sentence with "F. C."?
"Palace moved to the purpose-built stadium Selhurst Park in 1924, the ground the club plays at today.": Maybe "the ground at which the club plays today". Sarastro1 (talk) 21:00, 5 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]