Wikipedia:Peer review/Abebe Bikila/archive1

Abebe Bikila

I've listed this article for peer review because I have made significant improvements to the article recently and would like a second opinion. My main concerns are any POV problems that may arise because I was the only recent significant contributor. I would also like a close look taken at the lead which is entirely my addition. Please also reassess the articles rating under the relevant WikiProjects.

Thanks, — አቤል ዳዊት^?(Janweh64) (talk) 10:17, 30 January 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Freikorp

Will complete a review of this one soon. Freikorp (talk) 06:35, 21 March 2017 (UTC)

Lead

"member of the Imperial Guard" - this sentence doesn't give much indication of what the Imperial Guard is. A few words of clarification explaining what it is would be helpful; at the very least I think you should describe it as the Ethiopian Imperial Guard.  Done

"Abebe was a trailblazer" - what is a trailblazer in this context? Can you wikilink that word to an appropriate article? Not being familiar with marathon sports I haven't heard of this term; even though it might not be, in the way that you've used it it strikes me as slang.

"before the accident that would leave him incapacitated." - I don't think this is necessary as the accident is mentioned in the very next sentence. I suggest you delete this and just specify the year of the first injury in order to distinguish it from the second one.  Partly done

"There are many schools, venues and events named after him" - I think this could be worded better. How about: "Many schools, venues and events are named after him,"  Done

Early Life

Imperial Guard is wikilinked in the lead but not at its first appearance in the body.  Done

1960 Summer Olympics in Rome

The section about lead changes and even the amount of photos in this section strikes me as over-detailed.

1964 Summer Olympics in Tokyo

"To this day" - have a read of WP:REALTIME  Done

1965–68

"due to an earlier fracture to his left fibula." - when and how did this happen? It's confusing to read. Done

Accident and death

"He witnessed his countryman Mamo Wolde fail to match Abebe's twin marathon victories." - This wording seems a bit harsh on Wolde.  Done

Mention of Abede's death seems to come out of nowhere. Can you tie in some information about his health before he died? For example was his death completely unexpected?

Legacy

"kicked off" reads like slang  Done

Obviously the three sentences requesting citations need to be cited.

In popular culture

I think you should introduce 'Bikila: Ethiopia's Barefoot Olympian (2009)' before you comment on it. I.e 'Bikila: Ethiopia's Barefoot Olympian' was directed by [x] and released in 2009. According to Tim Lewis, it is a more journalistic and less forgiving biography...'  Done

I think you should mention Robin Williams full name, and perhaps where he said that comment, in the quote box.  Done

• Hope this review helps. :) Freikorp (talk) 09:17, 22 March 2017 (UTC)

The changes you've made look good. Ping me if you want further comment on anything. Freikorp (talk) 13:31, 6 April 2017 (UTC)