Talk:Other Minds: The Octopus, the Sea, and the Deep Origins of Consciousness

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Other Minds: The Octopus, the Sea, and the Deep Origins of Consciousness/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: AryKun (talk · contribs) 13:57, 21 September 2021 (UTC)

• Hey, will do this soon. AryKun (talk) 13:57, 21 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Many thanks for taking it on. I'm used to working with reviewers and can usually fix anything necessary very promptly. Chiswick Chap (talk) 14:02, 21 September 2021 (UTC)

• I think you should remove the "the" before octopus and cuttlefish in the lead, because both of those terms refer to a large number of species.

Done.

• You could add a couple more of the reactions to the book to the lead instead of just limiting it to the NYT review.
  • Done.

• You could probably merge the context section into the book section as a subheader.
  • Done.

• Maybe bold the 3 lineages in the tree instead of starring them, because that would look better.
  • Done.

• "intelligent alien, but that "the minds of cephalopods are the most other of all."" Is the "but" appropriate here? Wouldn't an "and" be a better linker?
  • Done.

• "book, as he dives in the shallow waters off Australia" → "from dives in the shallow waters off Australia in the book"
  • Reworded.

• "Octopuses are, he notes, inquisitive, observant, even friendly" → "He notes that octopuses are inquisitive, observant, and even friendly"
  • Done. I see you don't like this construction!

• "Intelligence is, Godfrey-Smith argues, predicated" → "Godfrey-Smith argues that intelligence is predicated"
  • Reworded; we're avoiding having all the paragraphs begin with "G-S..."

• "Such capabilities, in Godfrey-Smith's view, are" → "In Godfrey-Smith's view, such capabilities are"
  • Done.

• Is the italicization of "other minds" necessary?
  • Removed.

• Move the Octopus tetricus image up to the book section next to text that discusses Octopolis.
  • Moved.

• Everything else is fine, so you just need to address the above issues. AryKun (talk) 06:49, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
  • AryKun: Thank you, all done to date. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:23, 22 September 2021 (UTC)

    @Chiswick Chap: I'm not the reviewer here, but the GAN is open for comments, so: can you more clearly cite where the {{clade}} diagram comes from? Psiĥedelisto (talk • contribs) ^{please always ping!} 23:03, 23 September 2021 (UTC)

    • Page ref added. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:13, 24 September 2021 (UTC)

• I think you should remove the "admits to a love affair with octopuses, having read Jacques-Yves Cousteau's 1973 Octopus and Squid: The Soft Intelligence" part, as it isn't really pertinent to the review of the book.

Removed.

• @Chiswick Chap: This is pretty much all I could come up with, so the article is good to go as soon as you respond to the above suggestion. AryKun (talk) 06:03, 29 September 2021 (UTC)
  • AryKun, many thanks for the review. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:23, 29 September 2021 (UTC)
    • No prob, it was fun to review it. AryKun (talk) 04:48, 30 September 2021 (UTC)