Talk:A Space for the Unbound/GA1

Latest comment: 9 days ago by Z1720 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Nominator: RFNirmala (talk · contribs) 07:44, 4 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Reviewer: Z1720 (talk · contribs) 02:41, 18 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Hello, I will be starting the review momentarily. I will use the template to indicate what needs to be done, and leave comments below. Z1720 (talk) 02:41, 18 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable, as shown by a source spot-check.
    a (reference section):   b (inline citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):   d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  

Some comments:

  • "getting close to graduation with his girlfriend Raya" Is this a euphemism for something, or should this be rephrased?
  • "which Dimas described "as an appreciation for or awareness of impermanence and the passage of time."" There is a wiki article about this, so I don't think his explanation is necessary.
  • "He noted that "every generation has its own memories and [A Space for the Unbound] is our memories and we want to preserve that before we completely forget about it."" Instead of a quote, I would put this in summary prose, like "He stated that the game was a preservation of his own memories growing up."
  • "The game heavily features anxiety and depression in the story, and the developers consulted professionals for their input in telling it appropriately." -> "The developers consulted professionals to accurately depict anxiety and depression in the story." I would also expand this sentence or merge the paragraph with another.

I'm up to "Release and publishing conflict": more comments will appear when I read the rest of the article. Z1720 (talk) 04:13, 18 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

@Z1720 They are actually getting close to high school graduation, not a euphemism. I also followed your prose points and avoided using the word "multiple" in the mono no aware sentence. I merged the The game heavily features anxiety and depression... paragraph since I couldn't find appropriate info to expand on. The source also mentions the setting coinciding with political turmoil but it's just a side quote. RFNirmala (talk) 09:20, 18 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

More comments below:

  • "The player controls Atma, an Indonesian high school student getting close to graduation with his girlfriend Raya." -> "The player controls Atma, an Indonesian student. His girlfriend is Raya, and the two of them are soon going to graduate from high school." or something similar
  • "represented the characters' emotional experiences" Sentence fragment.
  • The reception is good, but its prose size can be reduced by merging individual comments when there is general agreements amongst reviewers. WP:RECEPTION has excellent suggestions on how to do this.
  • Ref 38 is a broken reference which needs to be fixed.

I'll continue later by addressing the sourcing and images. Z1720 (talk) 02:53, 19 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Addressed them, which you can check out. I used a semicolon in the Gameplay sentence. I couldn't somehow find other ways to shorten the Reception, so you can tell me if there's anything more to improve. RFNirmala (talk) 04:04, 19 January 2025 (UTC)Reply
A heads-up on this GAN @Z1720none just in case. RFNirmala (talk) 00:11, 27 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Sorry, I did forget about this. More comments below:

  • Images no problems.
  • Spot check, with no concerns: 1, 9, 22, 26, 31, 34, 37, 45, 48,
  • Ref 8: I could not verify that the main character receives a wand that allows them to riftdive. The source also states that "riftdive" is one word.
  • Ref 18: Could not find the quote, "a well-known gaming console platform"
  • Ref 27, 28 and 29: the title needs to specify that these are reviews for different systems.

I'll take another look at the prose later. Z1720 (talk) 00:38, 27 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Couldn't find a RS that mentions the magic wand, since it's in the later half of the game. Did all the points above. RFNirmala (talk) 09:16, 27 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Additional comments:

  • I would mention the game's awards in the lead.
  • " delayed due to a conflict with game publishers." This is too vague, and I think the lead can include a summary of the conflict.
  • "While reviewers described the gameplay as that of a standard adventure game and padded out by unnecessary tasks, they recommended the game in a positive review for its emotional story." The following paragraph describes the reception for the narrative, so I don't think this sentence is necessary. I would move the sources for this sentence to the following paragraph.
  • "However, some reviewers have commented on the plot's structure. The game starts off with a slow pace as a series of short-term objectives that lack a particular narrative but eventually develop a particular direction." This is very vague. I think these sentences can be combined together, and the particular direction described in better detail.
  • "although a particular objective and side quests in the bucket list provided direction to progress the story." which objective?
  • Earwig doesn't bring up concerns.

Please ping when ready. Z1720 (talk) 03:58, 27 January 2025 (UTC)Reply

Hi @Z1720!
I did most of your points. You should check the lead, especially my wording on the conflict. TIL that it seems the reception portion should refrain from spoiler tags too!
However, I'll disagree non the "While reviewers described..." as they describe the plot in different terms or have different arguments. The gameplay paragraph sentence only mentions emotional and compares it to criticism on the gameplay. The next sentence/paragraph meanwhile tackles its approach on mental health. RFNirmala (talk) 09:22, 27 January 2025 (UTC)Reply
  • In the lead: "particularly on its solid sense of place" can this be more specific?
  • For "While reviewers described...": The paragraph is about the gameplay, yet the second half of the sentence starts mentioning the narrative. This is not necessary, and confusing to the reader as the narrative has not been discussed yet. I would mention the unnecessary tasks in its own sentence and move the praise for the narrative in the next paragraph.
Those are my responses. Z1720 (talk) 14:52, 27 January 2025 (UTC)Reply
@Z1720 Check this recent edit. RFNirmala (talk) 05:33, 28 January 2025 (UTC)Reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.