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A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. A good one-liner is said to be pithy – concise and meaningful.[1] Comedians and actors use this comedic method as part of their act, e.g. Jimmy Carr, Tommy Cooper, Rodney Dangerfield, Norm Macdonald, Ken Dodd, Stewart Francis, Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Anthony Jeselnik, Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jay London, Mark Linn-Baker, Demetri Martin, Groucho Marx, Dan Mintz, Gary Delaney, Emo Philips, Tim Vine, Steven Wright and Henny Youngman and Arnold Schwarzenegger.[citation needed] Many fictional characters are also known to deliver one-liners, including James Bond, who usually includes pithy and laconic quips after disposing of a villain.[citation needed]


  • “I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.” (Jimmy Carr)
  • "A baby seal walks into a club."
  • "A dyslexic man walks into a bra."
  • "There are three types of people, those who can count and those who can't."
  • "The flat-earth society has members all around the globe."
  • "Jokes about communism have no class."
  • "Venison's dear, isn't it?" (Jimmy Carr)
  • "An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs." (Mitch Hedberg)
  • "If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you see anyone take with them at the beach?" (Jerry Seinfeld)
  • "What Iran needs now is a more modern leader—a mullah lite." (Shappi Khorsandi)
  • "I have nothing to declare except my genius." (Oscar Wilde, upon arriving at US customs, 1882)[2]
  • "Take my wife ... please." (Henny Youngman)
  • "They hired a 3-piece band that was so lousy, every time the waiter dropped a tray, we all got up and danced!" (Les Dawson)
  • "What a magnificent show this is going to be when it starts!" (Ken Dodd)
  • "I have a girlfriend! I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for… sex!" (Stewart Francis)
  • "I have an L-shaped sofa... Lowercase." (Demetri Martin)
  • "Crime in multi-story car parks is wrong on so many different levels." (Tim Vine[3])
  • "Bungee Gum possesses the properties of both rubber and gum" (Hisoka)
  • "People with Tourettes; what makes them tick?" (Jimmy Carr)
  • "The first few weeks of Weight Watchers, you’re just finding your feet." (Jimmy Carr)
  • "I've been doing comedy now and sex". (Jimmy Carr)
  • "A nurse takes a rectal thermometer out of her pocket and says "Some arsehole's got my pen" (Jimmy Carr)
  • "Say what you want about the deaf…" (Jimmy Carr)
  • "I went up to the airport information desk and said ‘How many airports are there in the world?'" (Jimmy Carr)
  • "In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato; correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s a pizza." (Jimmy Carr)
  • "My girlfriend bought a cookbook the other day called Cheap and Easy Vegetarian Cooking, which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian…" (Jimmy Carr, universally known for his sardonic one-liners.)

See alsoEdit


  1. ^ The Unuttered Punch Line: Pragmatic Incongruity and the Parsing of “What’s the Difference” Jokes, K.E.L. Miller, [1]
  2. ^ "Number 64300". The Columbia World of Quotations. 1996. Retrieved 2007-06-20.
  3. ^ "100 of the best ever jokes and one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe". iNews. 2017-08-04. Retrieved 2018-06-06.