Ghosting (behavior)

  (Redirected from Ghosting (relationships))

Ghosting, also known as simmering or icing, is a colloquial term which describes the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communication made by said person.[1][2][3] The term originated in the early 2000s, typically referring to dating and romantic relationships. In the following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps. The term has also expanded to refer to similar practices among friends, family members, employers and businesses.[4][5][6]

The most common cause of ghosting in a personal relationship is to avoid emotional discomfort in a relationship. A person ghosting typically has little acknowledgement of how it will make the other person feel. Ghosting is associated with negative mental health affects on the person on the receiving end, and has been described by some mental health professionals as a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse or cruelty. [7]

Origin of termEdit

The term is used in the context of online exchanges,[8] and became popular by 2015 through many articles on high-profile celebrity relationship dissolutions,[9][10] and went on to be widely used. It has been the subject of many articles[11] and discussions[12] on dating and relationships in various media. It was included in the Collins English Dictionary in 2015.[13]

In popular cultureEdit

Ghosting appears to be becoming more common.[14][15] Various explanations have been suggested, but social media is often blamed,[16] as are dating apps, polarizing politics and the relative anonymity and isolation in modern-day dating and hookup culture, which make it easier to sever contact with few social repercussions.[17] In addition, the more commonplace the behaviour becomes, the more individuals can become desensitised to it.[7] Others have suggested that it is due to the decline of empathy in society, along with the promotion of a more selfish, narcissistic culture.[18]

In personal relationshipsEdit

People primarily ghost in relationships as a way of avoiding emotional discomfort they are having in a relationship, and are generally not thinking of how it will make the person they are ghosting feel. A survey from BuzzFeed indicated that 81% of people who ghosted did so because they "weren't into" the person they ghosted, 64% said the person they ghosted did something they disliked, and 25% stated they were angry with the person.[19] When a relationship is online and there are few mutual social connections in the relationship, people are more inclined to ghost due to the lack of social consequences. With ghosting becoming more common many people have become desensitized to it, making them more likely to participate in ghosting. Additionally, according to psychologist Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, people who ghost in relationships are more likely to have personality traits and behaviors that are self-centered, avoidant, and manipulative.[20] However, ghosting could also be a sign of self isolation seen in people with depression, suicidal tendencies, or are relapsing with an addiction.[21] There is limited research directly on the effect of ghosting on the person on the receiving end. However, studies have indicated that ghosting is considered the most hurtful way to end a relationship in comparison to other methods such as direct confrontation. [22] It has been shown to cause feelings of ostracism, exclusion, and rejection. Additionally, the lack of social cues along with the ambiguity in ghosting can cause a form of emotional dysregulation in which a person feels out of control.[23] Some mental health professionals consider ghosting to be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behaviour, and emotional cruelty.[7]

In his article, "In Defense of Ghosting", Alexander Abad-Santos states: "the thing that undermines these diatribes against ghosting is that...[we] know what happened with their ghost. It just didn't work out and sometimes we just can't accept it."[24] He continues: "[a]t the heart of it, ghosting is as clear as any other form of rejection. The reason we complain about it is because we wanted a different outcome ... which is totally understandable."[24]

However, this argument does not account for the inherent ambiguity in ghosting—the person being ghosted does not know whether they are being rejected for something they or somebody else did, whether the person doing it is ashamed or does not know how to break up (or is scared of hurting the other's feelings). Also, the ghost may simply not want to date the victim anymore, or may have started dating someone else while keeping the ghostee as a reserve option in case a relationship does not work out with said other date, as well as they can be facing serious problems in their lives. It may become impossible to tell which it is, making it stressful and painful.[25]

A 2018 survey determined women, regardless of generation, were much more likely to ghost than men.[26]

In employmentEdit

Ghosting in employment often refers to a person who interviews for a job and is led to believe there is a chance of getting the job, then no acknowledgement of the position being filled is ever conveyed to the interviewee.[27][28]

The term has also been used in reference to people accepting job offers and cutting off contact with the potential employer, as well as employees leaving their jobs without any notice.[29][30]

Related terms and behaviorsEdit

While "ghosting" refers to "disappearing from a special someone's life mysteriously and without explanation",[31] numerous similar behaviors have been identified, that include various degrees of continued connection with a target.[32][33][34] For example, "Caspering" is a "friendly alternative to ghosting. Instead of ignoring someone, you're honest about how you feel, and let them down gently before disappearing from their lives."[35] Then there is the sentimental and positive, but also ghost-related in origin, Marleying, which is "when an ex gets in touch with you at Christmas out of nowhere". "Cloaking" is another related behavior[36] that occurs when an online match blocks you on all apps while standing you up for a date. The term was coined by Mashable journalist Rachel Thompson after she was stood up for a date by a Hinge match and blocked on all apps.[37]


In 2014, a YouGov survey was taken to see if Americans have ever ghosted their partner to end a relationship. In a 2014 survey, 1,000 US adults were interviewed about ghosting with results yielding that just over 10% of Americans have ghosted someone to break up with them.[38]

See alsoEdit


  1. ^ Safronova, Valeriya (2015-06-26). "Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2020-02-10.
  2. ^ "Where Did the Term "Ghosted" Come From? Origin of the Web's Favorite Term for Abandonment". Mic. Retrieved 2020-02-10.
  3. ^ "Why Ghosting Is Leading the World's Mental Health Crisis | Psychology Today". Retrieved 1 July 2021.
  4. ^ "Friendship Ghosting Is Real". Time. Retrieved 2021-06-13.
  5. ^ "'I've been ghosted by my insurer'". BBC News. 2021-05-26. Retrieved 2021-06-13.
  6. ^ "I Was Ghosted by One of My Closest Friends". Cosmopolitan. 2015-08-27. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  7. ^ a b c "Why Ghosting Hurts So Much". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  8. ^ Bartz, Andrea & Ehrlich, Brenna (April 14, 2011). "Don't be offended by online-dating rejection". Netiquette. CNN.CS1 maint: uses authors parameter (link)
  9. ^ Edwards, Stassa. "Charlize Theron Broke Up With Sean Penn By Ghosting Him". Jezebel. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  10. ^ "Charlize Theron Gets a Black Belt in Ghosting". The Cut. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  11. ^ "The Common 21st-Century Dating Problem No One Knows How To Deal With". The Huffington Post. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  12. ^ Safronova, Valeriya (2015-06-26). "Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  13. ^ "'Ghosting' is now in the dictionary - so is dating etiquette dead?". The Independent. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  14. ^ Perel, Esther (2015). Stable Ambiguity and the Rise of Ghosting, Icing and Simmering.
  15. ^ "I Asked Men Why They Ghosted Me". VICE. United States. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  16. ^ "PsycNET - DOI Landing page". doi:10.1037/1089-2699.8.4.291. Cite journal requires |journal= (help)
  17. ^ "And Then I Never Heard From Him Again: The Awful Rise of Ghosting". The Date Report. Archived from the original on 2014-08-20. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  18. ^ "It's time to bring back relationship accountability". Be Lucky In Love. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  19. ^ "8 Reasons People Ghost (Beyond "They're Just A Jerk"), From Experts". mindbodygreen. 24 June 2020. Retrieved 2 July 2021.
  20. ^ "Here's How To Search Through Instagram Comments". Bustle. Retrieved 1 July 2021.
  21. ^ "When ghosting is a sign of suicide or relapse |". 12 March 2020. Retrieved 1 July 2021.
  22. ^ February 2019, Bahar Gholipour-Staff Writer 02. "Why Do People Ghost?". Retrieved 1 July 2021.
  23. ^ "Why Ghosting Hurts So Much | Psychology Today". Retrieved 1 July 2021.
  24. ^ a b Abad-Santos, Alexander (24 March 2014). "In Defense of Ghosting". The Atlantic. Retrieved 9 June 2018.
  25. ^ "Why Ghosting Hurts So Much". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  26. ^ "Women Are More Likely To Ghost Someone They're Dating Than Men — And There's A Very Good Reason For That". Bustle. Retrieved 2021-03-25.
  27. ^ "Employer 'ghosting' a reality after a job interview: Ethically Speaking". Retrieved 6 June 2016.
  28. ^ Maloney, Devon. "Just Checking In Again". Retrieved 6 June 2016.
  29. ^ Gilchrist, Karen (2019-04-24). "Employees keep 'ghosting' their job offers — and Gen Zs are leading the charge". CNBC. Retrieved 2021-06-09.
  30. ^ "Workers are ghosting their employers like bad dates". Washington Post. ISSN 0190-8286. Retrieved 2021-06-09.
  31. ^ Peters, Mark. "How Tinder and OKCupid spawned a new genre of slang". Boston Globe.
  32. ^ Lanquist, Lindsey (September 29, 2017). "Breadcrumbing, Stashing, and Other Internet Dating Slang I Wish You Didn't Need to Know". Self.
  33. ^ Swantek, Samantha. "Breadcrumbing Is the New Ghosting and It's Savage AF". Cosmopolitan.
  34. ^ Alves, Glynda (May 15, 2018). "Breadcrumbing, orbiting and more: Update your dating dictionary with these new-age terms". Economic Times. India.
  35. ^ Benwell, Max (1 March 2018). "Ghosting, Caspering and six new dating terms you've never heard of". The Guardian. Retrieved 9 June 2018.
  36. ^ Dermentzi, Maria. "'I was cloaked.' What it's like to be blocked and stood up by your Hinge date". Mashable. Retrieved 2019-05-11.
  37. ^ Thompson, Rachel. "My Hinge match invited me to dinner and blocked me as I waited for our table". Mashable. Retrieved 2019-05-11.
  38. ^ "Poll Results: Ghosting | YouGov". Retrieved 2020-02-10.