Talk:Treasure (song)/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 20:55, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

GA Review

Hi MarioSoulTruthFan! I think there's nothing wrong with the page, so I think it's completely ready for the GA status just without the on-hold seven days period.

• Status:

Are you sure? I'm surprised. Thank You MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:03, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

Post-listing comment

Cartoon network freak, it is a very rare article indeed that doesn't have a single grammatical error or typo, so reviews that say an article are "completely ready" to be GAs are not only rare but invite extra scrutiny. I'm afraid that a quick look reveals a number of places where the prose is not "clear and concise" and with correct spelling and grammar, and is also inconsistent. Some examples:

• The first sentence has "and inspired from Baby I'm Yours by Breakbot"; "inspired from" is not ideal; I'd suggest 'and inspired by Breakbot's song "Baby I'm Yours"'.
• The last sentence in the first paragraph reads The song is the album's fourth track, and was selected as its third single by Atlantic Records, to mainstream radio in Italy on May 10, 2013. The final clause does not connect with the rest of the sentence, and doesn't agree with the rest of the article, which talks about releases to both the U.S. and Italy on that date in the Release section, and gives Warner Music Group as the releasing label for the Italian release (even while Atlantic seems to have done the U.S. and other releases).
• Critical reception: the start of the Copsey quote doesn't make sense here, since the original context was that it immediately followed a fragment of lyrics that does the insisting. The quote here should be much briefer; this is a short review, and the quote covers almost the entire second paragraph of a two-paragraph review. A GA review needs to check copyright issues, and fair use is a concern that needs to be considered.
• The Accolades section has issues in the first three sentences, both grammatical and structural. The ASCAP award doesn't appear to have been a nomination; Most Performed Songs is a list of 50 songs, and that's all the information there is on the sourced page. The fifth sentence, about the Teen Choice Awards, shouldn't include "The disco influenced song" here; the detail is covered elsewhere (and "disco-influenced" should be hyphenated); more important, the source citation goes to the 2015 awards, not the 2011, and a replacement reference needs to be found.
• Chart performance, North America section: there are a number of grammar (including punctuation) issues here. Among them, Nevertheless, the song, as of November 2013 only sold 2 million copies in the US, which indicates inclusion of on-demand audio and/or video song streams in addition to downloads. The previous sentence gives "October 09, 2013" as the date the song was certified platinum ("09" is not valid as a date), and the highlighted sentence has tense and punctuation problems. It should also make clear that the 3× platinum means three million in sales, otherwise the highlighted sentence loses context. (I'm not sure whether this would be considered WP:SYNTH or not.) The second paragraph has a number of tense and other grammatical issues.

I think this is a nice article, and it should be able to meet the GA criteria listed in WP:WIAGA with some work—definitely within the scope of a one-week hold while the review is ongoing. However, it is definitely not there now, and a thorough review (such as I do not have the time to give at present) will find more fixes to be made throughout the article.

Cartoon network freak, I strongly recommend that you revert your passing of the article, and either give it a more detailed review, or request a second opinion/reviewer to do so, as the article currently doesn't meet the criteria and is far enough away from doing so that it should not be listed. MarioSoulTruthFan, I'm sorry for this bump in the road, but I'm sure you'll be able to do the necessary edits to improve the article to GA level. BlueMoonset (talk) 01:37, 12 September 2015 (UTC)

I will address these issues as soon as possible. Thank you for giving a start to it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 02:21, 12 September 2015 (UTC)

I have addressed the first tree issues you pointed out, as soon as I have time I will sort out the others. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 02:35, 12 September 2015 (UTC)

Hello MarioSoulTruthFan!

I'm sorry for giving you a wrong GA revew. I tought, it was another GA1 page. Anyway, I will provide you a detailed GA review in max. seven days.

Good luck! Cartoon network freak (talk) 10:00 (UTC), 12 September 2015

No problem, the sooner the better. I look forward. I have address the issues raised by BlueMoonset MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:30, 12 September 2015 (UTC)

Per Cartoon network freak's request on my talk page, I have reverted the premature GA listing so that the GA review can continue here. BlueMoonset (talk) 13:53, 13 September 2015 (UTC)

Resuming GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 05:27, 14 September 2015 (UTC)

Hello! Here's finally my detailed review for Treasure (Bruno Mars song). As you can see, I've split the article up into sections that mimic the articles layout, for ease. Any green text indicates I'm quoting from the article.

Lead

• "Treasure" is a song by American singer -> "Treasure" is a song recorded by American singer
• Remove the comma after Unorthodox Jukebox (2012), and set a point instead
• and inspired by Breakbot's song -> It is inspired by Breakbot's
• It was written by Mars -> "Treasure" was written by Mars
• It was first released to mainstream radio -> The single was first released to mainstream radio
• by Warner Music -> through Warner Music
• song, containing post-disco and R&B elements -> song, with it containing post-disco and R&B elements
• After its release, "Treasure" became Mars' eleventh top-ten hit since his career begun in 2010 -> "Treasure" became Mars' seventh top-ten hit in the United States, since his career begun in 2010.
• It reached the top five in the United States, Canada, Hungary, South Africa, and several other countries, reached number two in Israel, and peaked within the top twenty in Australia, Austria, France, Ireland, New Zealand, Switzerland, and over 20 other nations. -> It furthermore reached the top-five in countries like Canada, Hungary, South Africa. "Treasure" achieved a top-twenty peak position in eight territorries.
• The single was promoted with a music video directed by Cameron Duddy and Bruno Mars. The video, which was filmed in Las Vegas, Hollywood, features Mars' band, The Hooligans, in a live performance. -> An accompanying music video for the song premiered on June 14, 2013. It was shot by Cameron Duddy in Las Vegas, Hollywood, and presents Mars' band, The Hooligans, in a live performance.

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:02, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Infobox

• The cover art needs an alternative text and a caption.

Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:17, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Background and production

• In an interview with Rob LeDonne, for American Songwriter, Philip Lawrence (The Smeezingtons) explained how the inspiration of the song came from "Well, the thing we learned after touring with Doo Wops was how it is we like to feel on stage when performing. We’re fun, like to dance and party, and we didn’t really get to do a lot of that on the first album". As a result, after touring the world for the first time they have seen what people like about them. They had the same feeling when they saw bands live, "Even going to festivals and seeing big bands live, like Coldplay or Bruce Springsteen, we knew the second time around we wanted something fun". Lawrence added, "It’s the kind of song where the whole band can get up and jam and have this Earth, Wind and Fire kind of moment." -> In an interview with Rob LeDonne, Philip Lawrence from Mars' The Smeezingtons explained the inspiration for the song as follows: "Well, the thing we learned after touring with Doo Wops was how it is we like to feel on stage when performing. We’re fun, like to dance and party, and we didn’t really get to do a lot of that on the first album. Even going to festivals and seeing big bands live, like Coldplay or Bruce Springsteen, we knew the second time around we wanted something fun. It’s the kind of song where the whole band can get up and jam and have this Earth, Wind and Fire kind of moment".
• Ari Levine recorded the track at Levcon Studios in California and was -> Ari Levine recorded the track at Levcon Studios in California, and

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:04, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

• For Joseph R. Atilano of Philippine Daily Inquirer found out that -> Josep R. Atilano of Philippine Daily Inquier found out that.
• Later, on June, Ed Banger owner Busy P responded in a Reddit AMA to questions about the song saying they considered it a compliment and that Mars has said the song was inspired by Breakbot's 2010 track. -> Later in June 2013, Ed Banger from Busy P responed in a Reddit AMA to question about the song, with it saying that they consider it a compliment and that Mars said that "Treasure" is inspired by Breakbot's 2010 track.

Amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:19, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Critical Reception

• This section should be re-named in "Reception".
• A sub-section called "Critical response" should be created directly under the lead section entitled "Reception".
• "Treasure" received several nominations -> "Treasure" received several nominations during various events.

Corrected. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:08, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Chart performance

• As of November 2013, the song only sold 2 million copies in the US -> As of November 2013, the song sold two million copies in the United States
• The song rose to number 5 on the Canadian Hot 100 chart, on July 6, 2013, -> The song rose to number 5 on the Canadian Hot 100 on July 6, 2013,
• After three weeks, it reached its peak of 12. -> After three weeks, it reached its peak position at number 12.
• the French Singles Chart, becoming Mars' fifth top-ten single in the country. -> the French Singles Chart, becoming Mars' fifth top-ten single in that country.
• In Denmark it entered the singles chart -> In Denmark it entered the Danish Singles Chart
• Generally, only numbers above nine should be listed in number form, as opposed to letter form.

Amended and thank you for the tip, it will come handy. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:27, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Live performances

• The content here is mainy OK, but there are too much repetations of "He performed" or "The song was performed". Try to fix them out with something like "He went on into singing" or "The song was sung".

Revised. You should take a second look. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:33, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Music video

Development and synopsis

• It was directed by Cameron Duddy and Mars, they both -> It was directed by Cameron Duddy and Mars. They both

Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:06, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• Credits adapted from the liner notes of Unorthodox Jukebox, Atlantic Records -> Credits adapted from the liner notes of Unorthodox Jukebox

Corrected. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:06, 15 September 2015 (UTC)

These are the main problems for "Treasure". I put not the article into the 7-days on hold period, because I think that there are other issues. Anyway, you have to fix these problems first. Then, I will take a deeper look at the article for finding other issues. Good luck! Cartoon network freak (talk) 07:57, 14 September 2015 (UTC)

I'm on it. Next time you made the revision please let me know. Thank you~. I will go section by section and when I finish each section I will write under it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:01, 15 September 2015 (UTC). I have finished the changes you called for. @Cartoon network freak (talk)

Re-review

@MarioSoulTrouthFan (talk) I think these are the final issues with the grammar and the style. After they would be done, I will look for the citations and links.

Lead

• five in countries like Canada, Hungary, South Africa. -> five countries like Canada, Hungary and South Africa.

Revised. I guess I missed it last time.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:27, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

Lead box

Re-write the caption into " 'Tresure' artwork"

Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:29, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

• former three, the production-team The Smeezingtons. -> former three, under the name The Smeezingtons.
• “Off The Wall” and “Rock With You,” or Madonna’s “Holiday”" -> "Off The Wall" and "Rock With You", or Madonna's "Holiday".

Amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:21, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

Reception

Rename the sub-section "Critical Response" into "Critical response"

Did you meant "Critical Reception" into "Critical response" or "Critical Reception" into "Critical reception"? Because in the sub-section it's written "Critical Reception". Thank You. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:24, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

@MarioSoulTruthFan: "Critical Reception" into "Critical reception" Cartoon network freak (talk)

@Cartoon network freak: Somebody already did it for me, done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:33, 17 September 2015 (UTC)

So, I think there are no other issues with the grammar in "Treasure". Next I'll check the citations. Cartoon network freak (talk) 05:58, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

Okay. Thank you very much and good luck. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:30, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

@MarioSoulTruthFan: I'm happy to tell you that there's everything OK with the links and stuff like that. But I'm not sure if I should list "Treasure" as a GA. What do you think? Can you find other issues with the article? Cartoon network freak (talk) 04:55, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

@Cartoon network freak: that's great to know. I believe the article is very thorough, well-written and if you are looking up to know a little more about the song, this is the right place for it. I could be a little bias to give my opinion, since I nominated the article. However, I think you should promote it, after all you gave the final touches to the article. I can't find anything else, can you? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:23, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

Fixings

Cartoon network freak, MarioSoulTruthFan, I'm afraid the article isn't quite there yet. As a quick example, the second North America paragraph goes back and forth from past to present tense (it should be past only), and some sentences (such as the second-to-last one) are not grammatical. One odd thing I noticed: most of the dates have non-breaking spaces between the day and the year, which is odd: the preferred place to break a full "month day, year" date is after the comma, rather than forcing a separation between month and day, which is what will happen here. I recommend removing all those non-breaking spaces after the comma. I've also looked through the article, and I don't see anywhere that it states when the single was released in the U.S. If it hit the Billboard Hot 100 on June 1, it had to be released before then (or if it wasn't, then the article should explain how it managed to hit the Hot 100 without a formal release as a single), and this release should be reflected elsewhere in the article and also in the History table, which makes it appear that the U.S. release wasn't until August. BlueMoonset (talk) 13:36, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

I will take care of the issues you raised BlueMoonset. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:44, 19 September 2015 (UTC). I have addressed everything but the release date in US and could you elaborate the dates/commas issue, I'm not 100% sure if it's what I'm thinking. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:16, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

(edit conflict) There are also errors in the lede—that sentence with Hungary in it still isn't properly sorted out, and I wonder whether that country belongs there, since the overall chart topped at 15 and only the radio chart hit 5—and there should not be a hyphen in "number-five" ("at number five" is correct). Also, when full dates are used in the middle of a sentence, there needs to be a comma after the year. BlueMoonset (talk) 13:59, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

Do you consider this reliable source for the release date in US BlueMoonset? http://www.singleforareason.com/song-of-the-day-treasure/. Also, I removed the country (Hungary) and added Israel, sorted the sentence out, removed the hyphen and add the comma after the year.

No, blogs aren't generally reliable sources, and this one certainly isn't. Sorry. BlueMoonset (talk) 02:56, 20 September 2015 (UTC)

It's, okay. I explained it with how it managed to chart, please take a look BlueMoonset. BTW could you please explain what do you pretend with he dates/commas issue, I'm not 100% sure if it's what I'm thinking (you raised before the issue)? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:42, 20 September 2015 (UTC)

MarioSoulTruthFan, I don't think the article's explanation is correct. The Billboard source states clearly that the song was going to be released, but its failure to give a date does not mean that there wasn't one, so saying in the article that the song had "no official date of release in the United States" is unsupported. All we know is that the date was not reported in an April 18 article. It's quite clear from what comes next that there was an official release, because you talk about it first charting at 71, and then moving to 40 the next week in its first full week. Since 71 is therefore from a non-full week, by definition it was released sometime after the start of the data week for that first chart appearance.

You'll see that I made a number of edits two days ago to fix some prose issues (and also date punctuation). The prose needs quite a bit of work elsewhere to meet the "clear and concise" and "grammar" criteria. Examples include the remainder of the North America section under "Commercial performance" (the sentence Nevertheless, the follow up single, "Gorilla", peaked at number 21 preventing him to extend his record is but one of many issues here), and other sections are similarly affected: at random, the second sentences of Live performances, Development and synopsis, and Interactive music video all have problems. I would like to recommend that you request that the Guild of Copy Editors do a thorough copyedit of the article, since the prose issues are widespread enough that I don't think the article can pass without that level of attention. There are also WP:OVERLINK issues, with some terms being linked more than once within the body of the article. BlueMoonset (talk) 15:41, 27 September 2015 (UTC)

Do you have any idea of what could be done in order to have a release date in US around that date or could we explain it in other way? Thank you for your edit. Yes I have requested to the Guild of Copy Editors, it may take over a month. I fixed the overlinked in the Background and production. Where else can I find it? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:51, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

Final GA-fixings and on-hold status for seven days

Hi, MarioSoulTruthFan! After you will solve these issues, I will list "Treasure" as a good article.

Lead

• The single was first released -> "Treasure" was first released
• "Treasure" details Mars' band time of party and fun -> The track details Mars' band time of party and fun
• It is primarily a disco and funk song, with it containing -> It is a primarily a disco and funk song, also containing
• became Mars' seventh top-ten hit -> became Mars' seventh top 10 hit
• United States, since his career -> United States since his career
• It furthermore reached the top five in the charts of countries like Canada -> It has furthermore reached the top-five in countries like Canada
• "Treasure" achieved a top-twenty peak position -> "Tresure" ranked within the top 20
• June 14, 2013, it was shot by Cameron Duddy -> June 14, 2013. It was shot by Cameron Duddy

Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 20:58, 6 October 2015 (UTC)

Background and production

A space between "...kind of moment"" and "Treasure" was mixed..." is odd.

• Ari Levine recording the track at Levcon Studios in California, and was also responsible for engineering the song at the same studio, while Charles Moniz served as additional engineer. David Kutch mastered the song. -> Ari Levine recorded the track a Levcon Studios in California. He was also responsable for the engineering of the song, made at the same studio. Charles Moniz served as the song's additional engineer, and David Kutch mastered the single.

Amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:05, 6 October 2015 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

• It has been described -> The song has been described
• In December 2012, French electronic artist Breakbot tweeted to Mars, regarding the song "Treasure" due to the similarity to one of his own songs, "Baby I'm Yours", released on Ed Banger Records. -> In December 2012, French electronic artist Breakbot tweeted to Mars regarding the similarity to "Treasure" and his own song "Baby I'm Yours", released in 2010 through Ed Banger Records.

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:06, 6 October 2015 (UTC)

Critical reception

No space between "...through like air-humps"." and Rolling Stone‍ '​s Jody Rosen commented that...".

• Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:08, 6 October 2015 (UTC)

North America

• peaked at number five on Billboard's -> peaked at number-five on Billboard's
• The song also rose to number five -> The song also rose to number-five

If in one country, "Treasure" peaked within the top seven, just write the peak position this way: "number-seven"

Cartoon network freak, I don't know why you are insisting on hyphenating "number-five" or "number-seven", for doing so is not correct English. I edited the article myself to remove such hyphens, and a GA review should not mandate changes that violate proper grammar. BlueMoonset (talk) 14:31, 4 October 2015 (UTC)

I have to agree with BlueMoonset, it doesn't sound like proper english. One thing it's "top-five" other is "number-five". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:09, 6 October 2015 (UTC)

Cartoon network freak (talk) 13:57, 4 October 2015 (UTC)

Cartoon network freak, although MarioSoulTruthFan has addressed the issues in this section, and the article continues to improve, significant prose issues remain elsewhere, as I alluded to in my post of September 27. I'd like to urge you to leave the article on hold until the requested Guild of Copy Editors article edit has been completed, and the resulting prose rechecked. In addition, while citations in the lead are not typical, WP:LEADCITE points out that The verifiability policy advises that material that is challenged or likely to be challenged, and direct quotations, should be supported by an inline citation. Since there is a direct quotation in the lede, it definitely needs to have an inline source citation. BlueMoonset (talk) 01:40, 7 October 2015 (UTC)

Okay! Cartoon network freak (talk) 04:01, 7 October 2015 (UTC)

Cartoon network freak and BlueMoonset, I have done the copyedit. Not all of my edits correspond precisely with the concerns listed above, so do have a good check through still! Relentlessly (talk) 14:02, 22 October 2015 (UTC)

I have addressed two of the three concerns you raised. Thank You for all the copyedit. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 22:09, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

Hello again MarioSoulTruthFan, I found another issues on this page, which I will probably list tomorrow. When these are adressed, I think the article is ready for the GA status! Cartoon network freak (talk) 17:02, 24 October 2015 (UTC)

@MarioSoulTruthFan: OK, here you go:

Lead

• by Bruno Mars. It appeared on his second studio album, Unorthodox Jukebox (2012). -> by Bruno Mars for his second studio album titled Unorthosox Jukebox (2012).

Phredley Brown; the song was produced by Mars, Lawrence and Levine under the name The Smeezingtons. -> Phredley Brown, while production was handled by Mars, Lawrence and Levine under the name The Smeezingtons.

Amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:34, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• Set full stops after the introducing four sentences.

I think that's it! Cartoon network freak (talk) 03:51, 25 October 2015 (UTC)

Fixed. Anything else just let me know. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:34, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

@MarioSoulTruthFan: Well done, passed!:-) Cartoon network freak (talk) 8:39, 1 November 2015 (UTC)

Thank You. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:43, 1 November 2015 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.