Talk:New-school hip hop/GA1
GA Review edit
Hello. I'll be performing the GA review for this article. Here are some suggestions for improvement:
- Try to avoid using the word "would" before a verb, except in special circumstances. It makes the text too passive. Instead, remove would and make the verb past tense. For example: "By 1986 their releases would begin to establish the hip hop album as a fixture of the mainstream." --> "By 1986 their releases began to establish the hip hop album as a fixture of the mainstream."
- This is mandatory by any means, but can there be a picture in the top-right corner of the article? Most users are used to seeing an infobox/picture in that corner anyway, and it kind of stands out when there isn't something there. Maybe a free-use image of one of the performers mentioned in the article?
- didn't --> did not - avoid contractions in the text unless it is part of a quote
- "Kool Moe Dee's infamous verbal personal attacks" - remove infamous per words to avoid at WP:PEACOCK
- "and perhaps her greatest record, "Have a Nice Day" (1987)." - too point of view
- Several of the references in the endnotes need to be combined. For example: 19 and 20; 43 and 44
- Web citations need to include an access date.
That's it. The article will be on hold for seven days to allow for improvements. Nikki311 23:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
- 86.44.16.82 (talk · contribs · WHOIS) has been blocked for one week for trolling and WP:POINT violations. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 00:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
- Normal service has been resumed. Thanks so much, Nikki, I'll be acting on those suggestions within a couple of days at most. 86.44.16.82 (talk) 23:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
Eóin has acted almost all of these suggestions, except one: as i said to him elsewhere, "i am kiiiind of wedded to the 'perhaps her greatest record', it's supported by sources, breaks up and helps make flow a chronological list-sentence, and is good info." The source I am adding for this (Shapiro) unequivocally calls it "her greatest record", is that enough to support us saying perhaps her greatest record? I don't mind if we have to lose it. I'm loathe to qualify it or quote and attribute it as it will break up the sentence, which i think works now.
I've thought about the image or template options myself in the past. I know the image I would like to have there: http://homepage.eircom.net/~spinningcat/adidas1.jpg . I'm sure I have read that this is the first appearance of the iconic Run-DMC logo, and I think I have read that that logo is the first rap group logo (as opposed to one-off fonts for record covers). But I guess I'd have to track down those sources before its use could be justified as a non-free image. Although it is the first single from Raising Hell, the album that made hip hop mainstream ... ? 86.44.16.82 (talk) 09:11, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
- I think keeping "her greatest record" is okay now that it is sourced with a couple of people saying it. Let me know when you are ready for me to do a final read-through. Nikki311 18:46, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, have at it! :) I'm more interested in acting on your suggestions and improving the article than I am in the GA tag per se, in any case. :) 86.44.21.238 (talk) 23:08, 6 July 2008 (UTC)